A Christmas Eve Message from Nick.

Do you know what Christmas song literally throws me over the edge? We Wish You a Merry Christmas!

No— they don’t wish you a Merry Christmas! The people singing that song– they— are a bunch of greedy, grubby-handed pigs!! The very same people that come to your house on Christmas, eat you out of house and home and then don’t know when to leave!

Don’t believe me? Take a look at the lyrics:

Oh, bring us a Figgy pudding!
Oh, bring us a Figgy pudding!
Oh, bring us a Figgy pudding!
And a cup of good cheer!

So these guests in my home are demanding Figgy pudding? What if I didn’t make any? What if the store sold out? Hell, what if the store didn’t even know what a Figgy pudding is? I don’t know what the heck a Figgy pudding is, as a matter of fact. Do you eat it with a spoon? So then I have to dirty dishes and spoons for you heathens, as well? Or is it one of those weird cake-like puddings that you can pick up and eat? And on top of all this, these drunk bastards have the nerve to demand a good stiff drink, on top of the Figgy pudding? Just what I need: people that don’t like the food I’m serving, asking for something special– and now they’re gonna be loaded.

And it gets worse, yes it does!

We won’t go until we get some!
We won’t go until we get some!
We won’t go until we get some!
So bring it right here!

Call me crazy. But now they are issuing threats? What is this– “Occupy Nick’s House”? Over Figgy pudding? Now I have met people that couldn’t take a hint. But these folks are downright belligerent— telling me that they’re not going to leave until I produce this pudding! Not only that, they want it served to them— they aren’t even willing to go to the kitchen and get it themselves! Bring it right here! So now they’re lazy, greedy, grubby-handed pigs!

If you come to my house this Christmas– you be prepared. Be prepared for me not to serve you ANY kind of pudding at all. If you want your damn Figgy pudding, bring it yourself.

Merry Christmas!

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One comment on “A Christmas Eve Message from Nick.

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